Guess who's the DAOTD award? yup.. me
Well, today started with my waking up w a scratchy throat, which threw off all my mental capacity for reasoning, logic and memory. Today was another instance of when I side-stepped my IQ.
Let me tell you what happened: I work for Kodak and today I went into the walmart that I was assigned to and hung out for my hours.
When I first got there, I laboriously set my mind-particles to remember how many places from the door I was.. which was 5 after the disabled places and the tree. I walk straight up to the door, go to sign in at customer service and walked back to the back of the store to go hang with my camera buddies who hate working at walmart.
When I was finished, I walked back up to cust service to turn in my required 'vendor' tag. I was happy to be going home b/c my throat continued to be scratchy.
I went out the door, counted the 5 places after the disabled parking and the tree and my car wasn't there.. HOLY CRAP! I can't find my car! I wander around in 100,000,000 degree heat holding my key thing up on the air and clicking it, waiting for my girl.. (my car) to beep and wave back at me saying, "I'm right here, mama!".. nothing.. zip.. not a peep from the girl.
Still wandering around after about 10 min that seemed like all the rest of the afternoon, sweat coursing down my back and running down my.. well, you know.. I expected to turn around to see where I was walking and find a sweat trail.. I was lucky.. it all puddled into my underpants.. sheesh..
So, not shaking too badly, I bit the bullet and went in and called 9-1-1.. "Hello? I'm so sorry to bother you, but I think my car's been stolen." "No problem, where are you located?" "Walmart".. long pause where I'm sure she covered the mic and yelled "We've got another noodlehead who lost her car at walmart". But at that time, I was oblivious to anyone else's problems but mine..
A short time later I see 3 sheriff's cars pulling into the parking lot like they were doing a shoot for a scene on Flashpoint, where the SWAT team is called in. I went out and flagged down one that slid up next to the building on the tarmac and not the parking lot.. he was serious about not making me walk any farther in the heat..
"Could I see your driver's license, Ma'am?" .. "Sure, but if there are wants and warrants, I'll go quietly b/c you have your a/c going in the car.. I'll sit on your lap now for some of that.. " He laughed nervously. I was serious.
He pulled up my info and saw what my tag read (I could only give him the 3 of the 6 numbers).. and he turns to me and said, "We found it ma'am".. HOLY CRAP !! that was FAST! He said, "do you realize that there are TWO ways to get into walmart? We're in front of row 4, your car is exactly where you said it was.. on row 12.. in front of the other door.
I'd already called my friend, Linda and daughter, Anjelica.. they were freaking out waiting for me to call back to see if my car was, indeed, stolen.
I said to the cop, "wow, is my face red".. he said, "could be the heat, Ma'am" .. I agreed w him.. so I hoofed it all the way across the parking lot and POUFFE! notice I didn't say POUTTE! (that's another embarrasing tale).. there was another cop sitting in his car.. in the a/c .. behind my car, pointing to it. And I thanked him and told him to hug the other guys too.. then rescinded it, knowing that deed would never be done. But the one cop said that this happens in big parking lots sev times a week.. glad I could help with the percentage for the week.. duh..
So, I quickly called my daughter and she laughed her buns off.. thus awarding me THE DUMB ASS OF THE DAY award. I accepted it and thanked all the little people who helped me win it.. mostly me..
thank heaven I'm cute..
But WAIT!! there's more!! the other week when I went to spend time with my daugther, she had her apartment temp down to 70 degrees.. other side of the spectrum from the above story. And we were laying on her bed and she'd pulled up a corner of the comforter and pulled it over her legs and my feet.. but we kept being cold, so I snuggled closer, she pulled more inches of the comforter over us.. then she got up to go to the kitchen for something and came back and I'd taken her place and pulled more of the comforter over my legs..
When she came in with her hands full.. she said, "hey, ..... why don't we get UNDER the comforter?" we laughed so hard she's lucky she didn't have to change the sheets, too.. we accepted the DOUBLE DUMB ASSES OF THE DAY award.. It was a double-cup on that trophy.. I rest my case that only one person can win it at a time..
Copyright 2009, From Bekki Shanklin's "Thinking all the time" series.
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