I'm so glad I never had boys

I'm so glad I never had boys..

I live in a house and rent a room from a very nice lady and good friend of mine. She was gone all last week and it was SOOOOOOOOOOoooooo quiet and peaceful, I just stretched, snuggled down in my bed and listened to the silence.. I could do what I wanted to do and enjoyed every minute of it.

I have found that I used to be a social being, but now enjoy solitude and it being all ME ME ME!!!!!! Well, that ended last Tuesday evening.. My friend, who'd been on vacation came home.. with her two grandsons who are 11 and 13. Oh. My. God..

Back in the day, I'd wanted to sell my most-precious-being-in-the-whole world, sweetest daughter to anyone who came by with $5 from the age of 13 to 16.. and I'd have packed whatever clothes she wanted to take with her on that journey.. but I had no idea about boys..

These two bicker, whine, battle and tattle, pick on each other and talk louder and louder and louder and fight to get computer time. One is a geek and the other is an 'I can give you a smartass answer to whatever you're saying, right in the middle of what ever it is you ARE saying' kind of kid.. they're not evil, they're just trying to find their path.. while kicking rocks into mine..

Are more than one kid in a family like this? Having had just the one (see 'now darling' comments above), and I had previously, while pregnant, refused to have a boy (she was lucky she was a girl or I'd have traded her for a girl at birth to someone who'd wanted a boy if I'd indeed had a boy .. sort of like bringing a covered dish to a gathering.. everyone trading for someone else's food..)

Boys also don't bathe that much.. I guess the fear of water is more prevalent in boys than in girls (unless there is a swimming pool handy, then you can't get them OUT of the water) .. but these two sure know what they want at this age.. the geek states that he'll never have a girlfriend, especially if she would take away from his computer time. And the younger one wants 4 kids.. one of each (huh?).. he backtracked on that one after I actually did say, "Huh?"

But, I HAVE instilled in them many little nature nuggets on how to comport themselves in the future that will win them more friends (including future wives and live-in girlfriends) and influence more people than the way they were going when they got here on Tuesday.

Rule number 1: When you use my bathroom, you flush (didn't know that needed reminding, but there you are), you put the lid down (foremost rule.. if you watched Myth Busters you know that flush sends crap ~ and I mean that ~ up 6 feet which floats all over the area for the next two hours and DOES land on your toothbrush.. gak..) ok, it's for the gak factor and the fact that I could, at any or several times in the night (damned older age) and drop for more feet than I'd like (you know that fear of falling dream?) and end up in icy and perhaps gakky water.. double gak.. and wake up the whole house with my screams and cursing.. don't worry, they already know those words..

Rule number 2: Still bathroom rules, dry off IN the bathtub and don't sop up my throw rug. It's ok, it CAN be done..

Rule number 3: Still bathroom rules, but shake the curtain to get rid of the excess water, then close the curtain after you turn off the water.. it helps also to help dry and not corrode or mold the curtain before its time and I don't have to wear out my arms stretching to replace the liner before it's time, or I'm ready to do it.. once a year works well for me..

And rule number 4: Quit bickering, whining, battling and tattling, picking on each other and talking louder and louder and louder and giving smartass answer to whatever someone's saying, right in the middle of what ever it is they ARE saying.. it's unattractive and doesn't win friends and make people like being around you on any level... until I leave the room.. which is often and for great lengths of time. Luckily they leave (hopefully alive) on Wednesday morning.. it will have been a LONG week..

And for those of you with little boys.. or more than one kid in general.. god bless ya and good luck.. I can see if they have Over the Counter Children's Chewable Valium, orange-flavored, Flintstone-shaped, in bottles of a couple of thousand or so.. not sure who it would be for, you or the kids..

Until then, please, my precious baby girlie.. I'm too young to have grandkids.. for about another 49 years or so.. ok? (Hoping that goes from my lips to my girl's earrings..)

But I love you, my girl!
Mama

Bekki Shanklin, copyright 2006, from her 'Thinking all the time' series